I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
