So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Less talking, more tequila
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
