Grow some girl-balls and come out already
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We are all done wearing pants today
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
