So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
