I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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