I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
