i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
