Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
