gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
