im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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