You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
