Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
