No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Randomize
