I accidentally burped into my bong.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
How external is "for external use only"?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
