I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize