first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
