sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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