my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
