he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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