Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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