I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
