I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
