I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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