oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He shit in the fireplace
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
