Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
