just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
