By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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