And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
