i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
