brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
