It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize