i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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