Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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