The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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