Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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