please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
