We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
