kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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