I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
