I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
