My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
