so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
