Just cropdusted the office
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
