I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
