I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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