Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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