whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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