i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
