Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
