If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
