Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
