I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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