so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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