I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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