His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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