are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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