I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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