I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
