There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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