She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize