how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
