it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize