Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
