I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
