We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
