my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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