Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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