how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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