He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
