Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
