Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
