we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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