It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
