guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
