I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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