My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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