I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
