How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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