youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize