i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
