grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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