I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize