I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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