There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I am spending my child support on dildos
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
