I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
