he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
