Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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