3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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