She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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