Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
