Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
