Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
