So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
