Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
