I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
