Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
They have beer where we have blood.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
