i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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