Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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