I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
