she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
