The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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