the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
